Geoffrey Long
Tip of the Quill: Archives
Finally comprehending the allure of suburbia.

I have always insisted that I would never live in the suburbs. I want land, dammit, not a backyard the size of a postage stamp. But living in my new place in Chicago has taught me the virtue of suburbia: no shared walls. My idiot asshole upstairs neighbors like to come home and blast inane repetitive music over and over and over again, and apparently their stereo is located directly above my workbench/desk. Tonight when they came home and fired it up, I snapped and actually screamed, "Shut up!" It didn't do any good, of course. I was this close to going upstairs, pounding on their door and throttling the living daylights out of that idiot. I swear to God, why is it so bloody hard to find an hour of peace and quiet anywhere?

I'm also this close to using technology to return fire. I am contemplating obtaining an array of cheap, yet very very loud, speakers and mounting them to the ceiling, aimed straight up. I will then wire these speakers to GarageBand, concoct a completely dissonant rhythm, set it on infinite loop, start it playing and then head off for a weekend in Wisconsin.

Miserable bastards.

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