Geoffrey Long
Tip of the Quill: Archives
Three things to be learned at a Dunkin Donuts at 11PM on a Wednesday.

  1. Despite the fact that they are the same shape as a cream stick, the same size as a cream stick, and the same color as a cream stick, the vanilla long johns are not, in fact, cream sticks. They are, indeed, cream sticks without the cream, thus losing the best part and, in one's humble opinion, utterly defeating the purpose.

  2. When the lone woman running the restaurant has an Indian accent so thick it needs subtitles, it would seem that the best course of action is to nod, smile and hope for the best. Despite the fact that Dunkin Donuts has been known to miraculously and inexplicably concoct one of the tastiest mochas ever, when the Indian woman gets a confused look on her face and then holds up the chocolate syrup bottle and say, "Coffee? And this? Kuhreemahnshoogah?", resist the temptation to be polite and at least ask to see if she knows what espresso is. Otherwise, no matter how hard you may try to drink the result, it will still taste like the inbred cousin of the coffee drink that gets spit out of those vending machines in Interstate rest stops. Only infinitely worse.

  3. A poorly executed donut is still a donut. Poorly executed coffee is water for the roadside bushes.

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