Geoffrey Long
Tip of the Quill: Archives
Yes, it's going to suck. Yes, I'm probably going to see it.

Jeez. It's distressing me no end that they cast Keanu Reeves as an Americanized John Constantine, and that this movie could have been so cool, but what the hey, I'm a sucker for this stuff. The new Constantine trailer is right this way.



May the real John Constantine blow into those guys' lives and completely ruin them, the way he's supposed to! Keanu Reeves! GRRR! GRRR! GRRR! Did you read the synopsis? He's supposed to be an American PI with a crusty exterior but a heart of gold who helps an embittered lady cop find her missing niece.

Now, in the REAL Hellblazer, he would've slept with the cop 5 years ago and owe her some kind of favor. The kid would've been kidnapped by a cult, or, better yet, be a junkie living on the street who got messed up with some sort of magical drug/prostitution ring, and basically, she's a goner from the start of the movie. John tracks her down too late, kinda kicks some butt, the kid's dead, the lady cop's life is ruined, and John skulks off to the bar to feel guilty.

I've made it public knowledge here at school that a group of good friends has to go see it with me, because I'll need someone to drag me out of the theatre kicking & screaming, explain to people that I have Tourette's Syndrome, and go get me hog whimpering drunk to ease the pain. Keanu Reeves! GRRR! GRRR! GRRR!

(not that I have strong feelings about this movie or anything)


There will be a whole lot of "whoas" and blank looks, because that seems to be all that Reeves can do as far as acting. They'll murder the plot just like they murdered the casting. Everyone who has read the comic will be horribly disappointed, everyone who *hasn't* read the comic will wonder why the rest of us are making such a fuss, and it too will pass. It's unfortunate because a great movie could have been made, but instead it's just going to be another comic book twinkie low art flick. It's really just too bad.

And now for something completely different...

Geoff, are you feeling up to giving me a report on your experiences at the 24-hour film festival Tuesday evening? I'd really appreciate it.


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