Geoffrey Long
Tip of the Quill: Archives
And the rain rain rain came down down down.

It's a thunderstormy morning here outside of Washington, D.C., one of those spring storms that makes the grass even greener and confirms my fear that we will have to mow the lawn with a weed whacker. But the thunder is nice, and the rain is soft, not the driving, torrential, weapons-grade rain that you get sometimes in the winter.

Last night I spent some quality time with my old friend SarahScott, which was far exceeding lovely. We talked for hours about people and relationships and books and philosophy and X-Men and West Wing and, you know, the stuff you talk about when you're falling back in step with an old friend. We also spent some time getting her psycho kitty stoned. You can read about it over at her weblog (which I just realized doesn't offer permalinks -- another grump for LiveJournal).

I wound up leaving her place in the wee small hours of the morning, and decided to stop at a gas station for caffeine. Now, I love gas stations because they always have the newest, weirdest test-market drinks, which I'm always a sucker for. I still fiercely miss Crystal Pepsi, Mountain Dew Code Red is exactly the same as the kiddie cocktails I grew up with going to Red Lobster with my Grandma and Grandpa Alexander, and Vanilla Coke is the shiznit. (Important side note: I attribute any weight loss I've been able to pull off recently to the introduction of both Diet Mountain Dew Code Red and Diet Vanilla Coke -- the added cherry and vanilla tastes sufficiently mask that liquid-styrofoam taste that most diet sodas have to make those two drinkable!) Anyway, there in the cooler was a strange, alien-looking orange Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew Livewire. Okay, sure.

The execs at Mountain Dew have hit upon a brilliant formula: take any pre-existing soda, drop the carbonation by about 20%, increase the caffeine by a similar amount, and give it a new "hip" name. Dissolve a caffeine pill in a bottle of IBC that's been sitting out overnight and wham! Mountain Dew Electric Root. In other words, this orange Mountain Dew tastes like mildly carbonated, super-caffeinated McDonald's orange drink. Not good, not bad, just odd. However, it did the job. I made it home just fine. And then spent the next couple of hours wide awake, surfing the Net. If anyone got an email from me at 5:30 this morning, that's why. Ugh.

There has to be a way to concoct a two-part solution to this problem, like a beverage that comes in a half-and-half container (anybody remember the styrofoam McBLT containers that caused all the hubbub back in the 80s/early 90s?). The first half is a super-caffeinated Jolt/Red Bull/Mountain Dew concoction, and the second is the antidote, so you can shut it off and frickin' go to sleep when you get home. Calling all biochemists -- I've got your billion-dollar product right here. Call me when it's ready.

One final note: big huge enormous mondo super props to my friend Carrie, who graduated this week with her Master of Public Administration in Earth Systems Science, Policy and Management from the Bio-Dome. Attagirl! I'm proud of you!


Actually, I think it was called "McDLT."

There was no bacon.

THANK YOU!!!! It feels SO great to be done!

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