{"id":891,"date":"2004-10-26T17:56:29","date_gmt":"2004-10-26T17:56:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/?p=891"},"modified":"2004-10-26T17:56:29","modified_gmt":"2004-10-26T17:56:29","slug":"finally-comprehending-the-allure-of-suburbia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/archives\/891","title":{"rendered":"Finally comprehending the allure of suburbia."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I have always insisted that I would never live in the suburbs.  I want <i>land,<\/i> dammit, not a backyard the size of a postage stamp.  But living in my new place in Chicago has taught me the virtue of suburbia: no shared walls.  My idiot asshole upstairs neighbors like to come home and blast inane repetitive music over and over and over again, and apparently their stereo is located <i>directly above<\/i> my workbench\/desk.  Tonight when they came home and fired it up, I snapped and actually screamed, <i>&#8220;Shut up!&#8221;<\/i>  It didn&#8217;t do any good, of course.  I was this close to going upstairs, pounding on their door and throttling the living daylights out of that idiot.  I swear to God, why is it so bloody hard to find an hour of peace and quiet anywhere?<br \/>\nI&#8217;m also this close to using technology to return fire.  I am contemplating obtaining an array of cheap, yet very very loud, speakers and mounting them to the ceiling, aimed straight up.  I will then wire these speakers to GarageBand, concoct a completely dissonant rhythm, set it on infinite loop, start it playing and then head off for a weekend in Wisconsin.<br \/>\nMiserable bastards.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I have always insisted that I would never live in the suburbs. I want land, dammit, not a backyard the size of a postage stamp. But living in my new place in Chicago has taught me the virtue of suburbia: no shared walls. My idiot asshole upstairs neighbors like to come home and blast inane [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-891","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4e5QR-en","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=891"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=891"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=891"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=891"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}