The ravenous friend of Carson Bell
\nAte what he ate, and he ate very well.
\nHe rolled into town at a quarter to four,
\nAnd by six-twenty, our town was no more.
\nThere was no early warning of the size of his lunch,
\nHe said not a thing, just started to munch,
\nKnelt down his lips to the edge of the curb
\nAnd, yes, I think “gobbled” is exatly the verb –
\nGod knows there is needed some simple word
\nFor the way this friend ate I say was absurd!
\nHe passed up the bread, peanut butter and jelly
\nIndeed, ’twas the buildings<\/i> he meant for his belly!
\nHe devoured the clock tower, hour by hour,
\nAs if minutes were sugar, as if seconds were flour!
\nThe giant chronometer went straight down his gullet
\nNo tock, no tick, just as fast as a bullet!
\nThe train station was next destined for gastric attack,
\nThe friend chowed down every train, every track,
\nHe tossed it all into his mouth with a sneer,
\nEvery poor passenger! Each poor engineer!
\nWhen his eyes alit upon the old town library
\nYou could see in his eyes he mistook it for cherry,
\nCrunching the bricks between his mighty jaws,
\nHe slurped down every page without a belch or a pause!
\nOh why, oh why, did you, Carson Bell,
\nBring us this friend, this cousin of Hell?
\nWas it some obscure form of culinary revenge?
\nOr was it the result of a mind off its hinge?
\nBut Carson, that Carson, that lovable puck,
\nChuckles and cackles at his friend run amok,
\nWe may never know why he unleashed this assault,
\nFor Carson says nothing – just passes the salt.
\n
\n(Please forgive the sudden burst of poetic doggerel; I was writing a report on my trip to China this summer and I swear my mind had a mental burp. This was the result. I felt I had to share.)<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The ravenous friend of Carson Bell Ate what he ate, and he ate very well. He rolled into town at a quarter to four, And by six-twenty, our town was no more. There was no early warning of the size of his lunch, He said not a thing, just started to munch, Knelt down his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4e5QR-kY","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1300"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1300\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geoffreylong.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}